Wow, wow, wow! This past week has just been a crazy emotional roller coaster! I mean, sure there is the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Work, kids, husband, housework, horse work (because I am inlove with those warmhearted animals!). But on top of all the normal stuff, we’ve had more appointments, more insurance issues, and more concerns with this whole HCM business. (If you’d like to read about that, I posted it here.)
So, more stress. And what always comes with stress? Doubt, worry, even fear.
But I’m supposed to block all that out, right? That’s what a good friend was telling me. She said something along the lines of “faith will cancel all that out, pray for endurance in your faith and strength…” Or something like that. I’m not sure. I wasn’t even listening.
Want to know why?
Because I was FREAKING OUT.
She was all…”calm down, listen to me, this will all work out…”
Meanwhile, I’m all “NO! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!!!! THIS IS JUST SO HARD! WHY IS IT SO HARD?!!!”
It was just…guys, it was bad! Pretty much laughable in hindsight. 😂
Finally, after I went on ranting. I was rudely interrupted by her to stop. Just stop. Then she said these words…
God is still God.
Simple. To the point. And exactly what I needed to hear.
She was right. God is still God. Nothing has changed that. Nothing can change that. I can trust Him…I mean I just posted about trusting him last week! Why was I now in such doubt?
Why is it…that when we need it the absolute most, we simply forget to pray? To trust? To be still and KNOW He is on the throne?
How many times do I need Him to carry me before I will know that He will pick me up?
So, my new goal is not just to have faith, but to consciously maintain it.
Its not that I actually didn’t trust Him during those moments. It’s that I let my own human emotion completely override my trust. I had let fear and doubt and negativity darken the light He shines on my soul in that moment.
What I realized I was doing was effectively blocking Him out, without even knowing it!
Thats just a part of the fallen world we live in, I suppose. But I am not going to let that type of worry take over my life. I refuse to let anything or anyone rule over me other than Jesus Christ.
Fear and anxiety have lost this battle! Now the trick is to remember to consciously choose Him…in every moment…of every day…regardless of how I feel.
Sounds easy, but it’s not always. I guess that is why it is so worth it.
Have a safe and Happy 4th of July everyone!